This web blog is my journey out of a near fatal addiction to methamphetamine, alcohol, self mutilation and multiple suicide
And fly away she did, from the insanity, the madness, the terror that stalked her by day and reached around her throat in the pitch black darkness of nearly every 3 a.m. hour. Vanishing into nothing more than an illusion, smoke and mirrors or quite simply, the biggest lie she ever bought.
Woven so carefully by the threads of mind control only a survivor of covert narcissistic abuse can comprehend. I no longer concern myself with those who never saw anything wrong, for it was I who had to spend a lifetime navigating my way through this 3-Ring Shit Show.
…even though sometimes between one footprint and the next, you’ll see the dirt where my knees hit the ground again and again…but every time I got back up even when I didn’t want to. Every time I got back up when I had no more fight left in me…
All of our moments should be overflowing with thimbleberry thoughts. So in planting these tiny seeds, in due time and in just the right season, the blossoms of revelations, wisdom, and nourishment might likely produce the sweet and lovely fruit for which others may receive their harvest.
We live in a world where strangers can see our gifts but those who already knew you cant get past the box you originally came in.
A Life Without Dreams is Like A Cupcake Without Sprinkles…Encourage a Friend and Share a Sprinkled Encouragement or Two!
For 9 weeks I laid there, everyday waiting with a fragile mix of trepidation and hope, the birth of my baby boy. I did not care in which manner God determined that he be packaged…all I asked from God was to believe in me. To believe that I would do everything within my power to provide him with a life of happiness and that I would protect his life at all cost.
“The mother’s comments set a foundation by which people begin to view the target/her own daughter. Onlookers have no idea what’s going on. They see a seemingly nice mother trying to help her daughter. They believe the stories that the narcissist spreads, and come to believe the daughter is the problem. In private, the daughter is frustrated by the abuse, which makes her mother’s false allegations seem believable when she tries to stand up for herself. If she shows anger or sadness, the narcissist mother is quick to tell others than she is “out of control” Many times that behavior is a reaction to years of abuse and only shows up when the narcissist is instigating a fight. The narcissist mother will pick at the daughter then blame her for reacting.”
*With mascara stained memories painted down my face, memories of nightmares I can NEVER erase. A faint whisper just barely escapes, “i can’t do this…all out of luck,” and there away flew, an echo so silent , of my last flying, “Fuck.”*
As the once majestic horses climbed and descended pitifully impaled upon their poles, we should have realized that we would soon become them. Piercing through our existence was the dark entity we knew only as our master. Mercilessly driving us to go up and down for eternity and round in circles for infinity. And all anyone could do was watch in horror…or turn away.
His irrational and unpredictable rages which initially brought me to my knees subsequently became my morning cup of coffee. My new normal if you will.
Life is our playground and our sandbox. So it’s about time I started playing and creating. How can you be