Change is Hard
Of course, change is hard. It is always hard. That’s the one thing about change, is that, well, it never changes.
2020 has arrived, and I have the opportunity to choose a contrasting color, and create an innovative and fresh new picture. I’d let so much of my life be colored, scribbled on, or crumpled up and tossed on the ground by other people. It never became much of a picture at all.
Today I am designing an extraordinary piece of art. Do I know what it will look like when completed? No, of course not. But I have an idea. I have a conception, because this time, it is me who is holding the brush.
When I paint, I put the paint on my blank canvas, and I smudge it around a bit, not yet choosing what it is I’m to paint. If I analyze it too hard, or I try to recreate a Society 6 or a Deviantart form I’ve envied, I fail miserably. But if I wait a bit, relax, and keep shifting and stretching the colors in different techniques with varied strokes, invariably, a marvel occurs. An image appears and one I admittedly had not thought of consciously. As the art begins to express itself as it takes shape, and there is a quickening in my spirit, and so I begin.
I have shifted the course of this website, and what it still will ultimately become is not known yet. We’ll call it an intuitive creation and collaboration. Everything ultimately hinges on submissions by visitors, contributions of material and organic growth (word of mouth/likes and shares), as I lack the financial means to purchase advertising or market at this time.
The entries on this blog, that writing before 2020 came from a surely broken, and betrayed woman. Having felt utterly abandoned, and discarded, I was a woman who never intended to harm anyone. But I did hurt others and paid dearly. I still will continue to write as my addiction from drugs, alcohol, and self-injury has evolved into an addiction to every thesaurus, Grammarly, word hippo, and writing tools I can get my hands on. I have become a fearless idiot; I suppose, one might say.
So The Write Effect accomplished what it needed to for the time being, and that meant to clear away the previously immovable boulders blocking the life flow of ideas and energy. The injury and residual damage that combined and collected from decades of emotional control and psychological abuse is no longer mine to own. I am no longer the keeper of guilt and shame. Thus as I am evolving, so is this site. The Write Effect has taken a new course of direction; moreover, that is to create and affect positive change in the lives of others, as this was never about me. But about God’s will and so I begin wavingwhite.com, a new voyage, with a final foreign destination.
The trauma of narcissistic abuse required that I adopt many unhealthy coping mechanisms, which addiction and alcoholism were always the front runners. I know that at the time, these mechanisms saved my ass from further self-injury and suicide. There is room for zero debate on that with me. I also believe in the chemical “hook” of addiction, which I’ve written previously. But there is a way out. And this is why change needs to happen.
Change is messy, inconvenient, confusing, and frustrating as my writings will showcase from time to time. Until the submissions of recovery from addiction come rolling in, you’re stuck with me.
I am still working on email mapping for the domain but you are encouraged to continue to submit your stories of recovery and how it has changed your life. For the time being my personal email may be used as well. It is a secret menu item from Jamba Juice…not so secret anymore. 🙂 Pinkburst@outlook.com. Thank you for your continued patience as I have worried that I might have gotten in slightly over my head, but that’s what dreams do, right? They take you into the deep end, and it is only there that you learn how to swim.
Kacie Brockman -Recovering Alcoholic/Addict.
Remember, you can always redefine yourself. That’s one beautiful aspect about change. You are never stuck in a box that you or someone else placed you in.