“What’s your favorite number?” I asked as he was beginning to learn numbers and letters.
“Inifinity!” He answered most assuredly.
“But Sweetheart, that’s not a number.” I replied. Before I could explain it to him, he jumped to his feet and ran to get his crayons and paper. “YES IT IS!”, he insisted. “I’ll show you Mommy.” and he sat down and with a broken crayon, the color of sky blue, which by the way colored just the same as the all the others, my 3 1/2 year old carefully crafted a number eight sideways.
The exact sign for infinity.
2 weeks shy of marking one year after my arrest and subsequent incarceration, life looked so very different. Never give up, everything can change in a big way if you just let go and trust in the journey.
I awoke with such beautiful, brisk morning air saturating my lungs, providing this amazing and complex body of mine with oxygen rich blood which enabled my heart to beat, my organs to function perfectly and to awaken to a day full of possibilities. A day to meet someone new, learn something new, experience something new.
I had the privilege of going to a job I enjoy and was able to work with people I genuinely LOVE to be around. I was able to help others and share who I have become through a year of terrible heartache, struggles and self refinement. I walked, and talked and climbed stairs and smiled at the sky. I laughed. I smiled. I loved. And I lived.
I left my job and went to parenting class which I have come to truly enjoy. Learning so much from so many. And making new friends along the way.
When I arrived home my youngest daughter called and we shared an hour of laughter and conversation, that of which 11 months ago would never have occurred. I could hear my precious granddaughter playing in the background. And knowing very soon I will have another beautiful soul to love and cherish.
I spent some time looking at pictures of my son, whom I had surrendered Guardianship to my Lord until He deemed it appropriate for me to step back in. I said my prayers and felt a renewed strength and determination to keep going.
And as the night drew near, I looked at the moon and the deep blue sky. I mean I REALLY looked up at this Awesome galaxy, and contemplated how space just goes on and on. No beginning and no end. And I felt the soft, wet grass of our temporary home, beneath my bare feet.
Then I slowly breathed in the starry night…and as I exhaled, I whispered, “Thank You.”
Before our world came crashing down in the middle of 2013, I remember asking my lil prince what his favorite number was, and he said with absolute confidence, “Infinity!”
I thought that was a different kind of answer… so I told him, “I don’t understand honey, that’s not a number…” He then grabbed a piece of paper and drew the number eight sideways. He was only 3 1/2 years old.